Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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