How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize