yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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