I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
