I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
