Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
