I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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