I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I am morally bankrupt
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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