how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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