dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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