u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
