once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
