trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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