I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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