Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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