we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
