we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize