I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
