Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
