Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
