I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
