did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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