I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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