I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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