I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
