My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
