In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
