I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
