So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
