Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
