I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
