I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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