honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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