just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
