Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
