hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
