The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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