I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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