happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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