I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
