mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
