I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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