Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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