Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
