oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
