the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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