If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love having hate sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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