By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
