I'm eating all of the evidence.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
