She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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