Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
