Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
