look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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