I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
