it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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