Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
