I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
