I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
