after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize