I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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