Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize