if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
