Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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