Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
