Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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