I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
