Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
