i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
