So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
