I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
