I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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