franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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