I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
