Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
