why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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