yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
