He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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