so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize