Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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