so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
