I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
